Saturday, September 4, 2010

Blair and Eggs - the "Look at Me!" Nature of Irish Protests

Never fear, latte-drinking people of the free world! We, the upright, decent and generally perfect people of Ireland know how you have been living in fear, trembling in your beds at night at the thought that the known war-criminal, Tony Blair, has been traipsing the streets, looking for more foreign places to invade, and to promote his recent book. When we learned that this ogrish monster was about to visit Ireland, we hatched a cunning plan to stop him in his tracks, using our secret weapon-

Citizen's Arrest!

Now, some of you may have doubted the dedication of the Irish protesting class to taking this evil creature down; some have even pointed out, ludicrously, that Ireland should in fact be grateful to Blair, what with him playing a key role in bringing a working peace to Northern Ireland. However, as we all know, Bertie Ahern was the real hero of the Northern Peace Process (it even says so in his autobiography, and that man never told a lie in his life) and the British Government had little to do with it. Even if they do govern Northern Ireland. And provide the bulk of the funding to support the ongoing efforts to encourage peace. And pick up the tab for security measures. And even if they had to take the morally difficult step of sitting down with the IRA.

No, the dreadlocked, Che Guevara t-shirt wearing warriors of the outraged Irish Left will see Blair off. Armed with eggs and shoes, and the somewhat dubious legal tool of a citizen's arrest, they will bring this foul man to justice. Ireland has had to take matters into his own hands - as Blair has not been arrested, stripped and sent to the stocks in the UK, we must only assume that this is because Britain's several centuries of consitutional and legal development are not up to the task, even if it is the home of the Common Law legal system. Any suggestion that Blair has not been sent to prison because he may not actually be a criminal is clearly ridiculous.

So committed are Ireland's brave heroes of the left that they have temporarily halted the perpetual protest at the Israeli embassy (against, you know, like, Israel's war crimes and stuff) to concentrate entirely on booing Tony Blair and chanting poorly rhyming phrases at him. The protestors have even cancelled the protest at the Iranian embassy against the stoning of Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani for adultery ... oh no, sorry! There's never actually been a protest at the Iranian embassy over this. Well, in fairness, that just wouldn't get media attention, now would it? No Sky News reports for the Socialist Workers' Party there, are there?

Video of our heroes in action below:

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