Half-assed Magnificence: Irish Defence Procurement

Delightfully Waltish thread over at Politics.ie, detailing myths and legends surrounding the Irish Defence Forces. All the usual are there: the Rangers are banned from bars near the Curragh due to their homicidal tendencies, troops have to shout "BANG!" during exercises because we have no actual rounds (live or otherwise) for them to use, and that Naval Officers liked to tell visiting Soviet crews about Ireland's secret submarine. But also discussed has been Ireland's incredibly bizarre ability to hold helicopter procurement competitions which are usually won by the least impressive aircraft on offer.

First, at the beginning of the decade we had the competition for a medium-life helo contract between the Sikorsky S-92 and the Eurocopter Cougar. Bizarrely, the S-92 won, despite the fact that it had not seen operational service, while the Cougar was already in use, and was based on the tried and trusted Puma. This development had absolutely nothing to do with promise by Sikorsky to invest €148 million in a production facility in north Dublin, where many constituents of the then Taoiseach, Bertie "El Berto" Ahern, worked. However, this sweet deal fell through when Eurocopter, rather unsportingly, took the state to the European Court over the decision.

So the Air Corps soldiered on, sans medium lift helicopters, and its fleet of Dauphins eventually faded from service, leaving only the Alouette IIIs on the front line. Yes Alouette's, the helicopter in service before my Dad reached the production stage.

And then, Baldonnel was blessed with the promise of new helicopters. "Brilliant", said the airborne brass in blue, "we'll have some of those Blackhawks the Yanks are always raving about." Alas, the government felt otherwise. After all, if we were to buy Blackhawks, which have a scary name, and are used by such evil imperialist regimes as the US, Israel and Austria (Austrian bastards, going around like they own the place!), then we would upset Ireland's lunatic fringe of sandal-wearing, bike-loving hippies.

Instead, the boys and girls in Baldonnel got the Agusta AW139, a well-known military vehicle of mythical might, used by such powerhouses as the Ambulance Service of New South Wales and the Estonian Border Guard. Still they have nice leather seats, which will mean the Army Ranger Wing can transit to hostage rescue missions in comfort. As can any Ministers who need to use the helicopters for, I don't know, flying to their constituency to open a pub.

I'm just dying to see how our procurement process works in the purchase of new ships for the Navy. Smart money says that the Navy ends up with superyacht equipped with tennis courts and swimming pools ... you know, so the government can use it for a bit of a relaxing break when the Navy isn't deploying the "SUPERYACHT!" (for that will be its official name, "SUPERYACHT!" ) on drug-busting patrols.

The Irish Naval Service - Asking the Impossible

At a time when Ireland's coffers are bare, it's perhaps understandable that defence is one of the first budgetary items to get cut - after all, who is going to attack us? And even if we were attacked, sure couldn't we always rely on the Brits anyway!

Apart from the moral and political questions that Ireland's policy of "bare-bones defence on the cheap" raises, with the growing threat posed by drug wars in our cities, our irresponsible approach to defence spending may soon have an immediate impact on the security of the state.

As reported in the London Times, the Irish Naval Service is having its budgets for new Offshore Patrol Vessels (OPVs) frozen, which is only the latest in a long line of financial sacrifices required of our navy. And while some critics might question the necessity of the Air Corps or even the Army for the everyday protection of the state, something tells me that as an island nation where many rural communities on the west coast rely on fishing, a navy might be kind of important. This necessity is further underscored by the large quantities of drugs now being landed on our shores, for dispersion both in the domestic and wider European markets.

Even now, before the Service suffers from ship retirements and budgetary constraints, the navy's eight ships have to patrol a massive maritime zone, the equivalent of trying to patrol the island of Ireland with only two police cars. Their task will only get more difficult in the years to come. Might we even see a return to the dark days of the early 1970's when Ireland, for a brief period, had a Navy without any ships?

All I can say is, whatever about new OPVs, thank God the government had the foresight to buy that Learjet and those new Agusta 109s during the times of plenty. Heaven forbid our politicians travel around Ireland by car...